It’s been a tough week. The nausea subsided on about Sunday and the mania set in. It was in that mania that I set this page up. I wrote the ‘About’ section over the course of a morning, in between making cups of tea, going to have a lie down, sitting down to meditate, putting on washing, planting seedlings in the farm, the list goes on. I couldn’t read more than a sentence at a time; I couldn’t sit to meditate for longer than a minute and I couldn’t type a full sentence in one sitting.
By Wednesday I was beside myself. The medical team I’ve been allocated weren’t able to provide an explanation. I was afraid that I would be like that FOREVER. And then I remembered that I need to allow my meditation experience to happen as it is, without judgment. So I sat. I made myself sit for 20 minutes. After a huge wave of emotion, I found I was able to relax for a few moments, but deep down remained an agitation, a surge of energy waiting to be released.
It was then that the idea of doing a shaking meditation came to me. I was introduced to shaking at the retreat I attended late last year. After bringing myself into the space through deeply breathing, I allowed the music to wash over me and the energy to express itself. I closed my eyes, I shook my legs, I shook my arms and hands, I shook my head. I felt the energy rushing to my extremities and being released into the space around me. At the end of the meditation, I lay on the floor, imagining healing light filling my body and creating a comforting warmth. Next time I might even put down a mat – the wooden floor was a little uncomfortable.
The effect? I was more accepting of my mania. I had found a way of being that didn’t need focus or concentration. I had found a way to release all that hyperactivity. And what’s more, I felt happier. I felt so happy I decided to move more joyously and DANCE! On went my theme song, I’ve Got the Music In Me and dance I did for about 20 minutes. Good for my soul and good for my oxygen levels.
The music I shook to was the track 1st Stage on Osho Kundalini Meditation. It has 4 stages in all, designed to give you a full hour meditation. Osho was an Indian mystic and spiritual teacher about whom I know very little. The Kundalini meditation is said to enable blocked and repressed energy to “flow, dance and be transformed into bliss and joy“. There is no doubt that this was my experience on Wednesday. I did a quarter of it knowingly and believe it or not, another quarter unwittingly. I actually danced to 2nd Stage just because it appeals to me, not because I had any instruction to do so. I’m going away next week and will take the album with me to do the entire meditation.
Apparently hyperactivity is a side effect of chemotherapy. By yesterday, it was passing and I felt like I’d been up for 4 days. I’ve rested most of today, but at least I know now how to help pass the time when I don’t quite know what else to do with myself. And if happiness is the result, that’s even better.
PS You can find the entire Osho Kundalini Meditation on iTunes here. Since I wrote this last year I have used all the tracks to move energy through. The last track is actually silence to sit in meditation and observe any shift that may have occurred.